Bear with me…

So… Things have radically changed in my life, fortunately I’m healthy but my relationship isn’t, my husband has asked for a divorce.

Marriage is really hard, I mean way harder than single people think. Our marriage wasn’t as difficult as many, we were lucky in that way. However, even an “easy” marriage is a huge amount of work and can be really tough.

I think a huge problem of our society is when people plan to get married most of the attention is on the wedding and not what happens after. Sure, people that want kids focus on that but I think most don’t understand what being married means.

I’ve lived with boyfriends in long-term monogamous relationships and living together was easier. I’m not sure why that is, but I think it has to do with expectations and assumptions. I felt an energy shift after we got married, it wasn’t the same as before. I think being a HUSBAND or WIFE is somehow considered “more serious” than a long-term couple. Also, it’s far easier to break up if you’re living together, there’s no lawyers involved (usually) and both parties are there because they want to be, not usually because it’s easier than divorcing. I know people in bad marriages who choose to stay, that’s their decision and nobody really knows what’s going on in other people’s relationships anyway.

I am not bashing marriage (at least I’m not trying to) I’m just saying it’s different. I loved being married and I know he did too for a while, but things change… We worked on it and we worked hard, sometimes it was great, others? Not so much. But that’s life.

I’m sad to be continuing on my path without him, but in the long run I know it’ll be for the best.

The hardest part about it? The emotions. I’m good one minute, completely shattered the next. Then angry, like really mad, then sad then OK again, I feel like Sybil. I know that’s all normal but wow, this is no fun at all. It is part of the process, grieving a passed relationship is hard, it really is like a death.

I don’t wish him harm or ill, sadly, I think this was bound to happen the way it was going. I’m not saying I had nothing to do with this either, as much as I hate to admit it, both of us were in the relationship, so for me to pretend I was perfect is insane and not true.

So what am I doing? Trying really hard to take care of myself. Stress makes my appetite shut off and it’s been a challenge to get enough calories. I’m sleeping well (thank god), keeping in touch with my friends, and doing what I’ve got to do every day. It’s starting to get easier but it’s gonna take time.

So, that’s my story. Please forgive me if I don’t post daily, I do appreciate you, my reader and thank you for your support to my site. Also thanks for reading my current story, it helps to get it off my chest.

Stay warm today, wherever you are.

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